The Old Testament says that God punished women for Eve’s act of tempting Adam to eat the forbidden fruit, by having them bear children and suffer the pain of child birth. While I don’t intend any offense to those of you to who believe in that holy book, I will have to strongly disagree with that. Because, that is not true.
I come from a land of Gods (and Goddesses). But I believe in only 2 Gods: Nature and Love. All thoughts, acts and words that go against these two Gods are evil. And those who think speak and do anything against nature and love, are just agents of Satan. When we live by the rules of these two Gods, we will leave behind a heaven for our children. When we don’t, they will only inherit hell. Both of that will be on earth. Read the news headlines if you don’t agree with me.
Nature chose women to bear children because it’s a special responsibility. It needs a lot of patience – to wait for three seasons; to wait for earth to go 3/4th around the sun; to wait for 9 long months; all the while building dreams, hope, love and a home to welcome a new life to earth; and all the while, still performing the duties to life, family and career.
Men may be strong. But it is the women who hold the inner strength to bear the pain of childbirth. And that’s why nature chose women, and not men, to hold this special responsibility – a responsibility to ensure the continuity of life and the species on the planet.
After nine months and a hard labor, just when we think that the mom has finished the tough part, a mother’s job has just begins and gets even tougher. And yet surprisingly, the woman seems glad and welcomes this great task of raising the child, who would witness the first glimpse of God, in mother’s love. The mother is the first source of love on this planet. Which is why, in my land – a land of most numbers of Gods, they still teach us that the mother comes before everything else – even God. Matha, Pitha, Guru, Deivam. When I see a Bollywood movie with a “Maa…” scene, I don’t find it ridiculous like the way the MTV-kinds spoof them. Instead, I feel proud. Proud of the land, the culture and the values that acknowledges the all important role of Mothers’ in this world.
It’s one thing to feel mother’s love as a child and a totally different realization when you experience it as a husband – like what I witnessed during the metamorphosis of my sweetheart from wife to mommy. Having survived a devastating earthquake and lived through the incommensurable loss of her mother as a teenager, her deep love, strength and determination are something I’ve always adored, since the day I’ve known her. I loved her for everything that she was. Or so I thought. But apparently, there was more to her – the mommy part. A transformation that I was least prepared for. It was in her motherhood that I awed with disbelief at the extent of love that one can behold. Her love for my daughter seems like a bottomless pit. At times, it is hard to say them apart. I wonder if they are just two pieces of the same person. I’ve stood (and stand) witness to the patience and love with which she carried my child in her, the inner strength and endurance with which she gave birth to our little one and the deepest affection with which she protects, nourishes and cares for the love of our life. Now, I love her ever more for reasons I had never imagined that I would love her for. It is absolutely mind blowing how she takes care of our child as virtually a single mom (with me gone away 4 days of the week) and take care of our home, our finances, our bills, our mailbox, our laundry, our health as well as her fulltime job and career.
A few weeks back I was surfing channels on TV when I paused briefly at a beauty pageant show when the judge was asking a contestant “What can men learn from women?” I don’t remember what the contestant said. But the question seemed to come back to me repeatedly. Ultimately, I thought I should try to answer that question and I realized that is the easiest of all questions to answer – because there is everything to learn from women. We only have to see the journey of women and their role through the biblical days, the ancient times, the dark ages, the middle ages and up to the modern days. It is probably the most inspiring of journeys. Women have beaten all odds in their journey from where they were to where they are today. Today they are home makers, career women, single moms, world leaders, entrepreneurs, social workers, scientists, doctors, engineers, soldiers, mothers and business women. Thinking of where they were ages ago, it is really inspiring. And they can walk on high heels too!
I’m fortunate enough to have my life influenced by some special women. Without these women, I probably won’t be where I am now.
I was a careless distracted teenager when I was a senior in high school. In all probability there was no ways I would have made it through the cut-throat competition in the Indian education system to get to my current state of self sufficiency. But a small pep talk by my cousin sister Kanni, changed something in me forever. That was when she reminded me of the life and story of my anni (Tami word for sister-in-law) Manju, who remains my real life beacon of inspiration.
Manju anni was the college sweetheart of my step brother Karthikeyan, a doctor – a rare Indian love story 27 years back. She married him after their medical studies. A year later, she lost her husband to a heart attack – 5 days before she gave birth to their first child. Neither can I write, nor imagine the state of her emotions. None can. None could. The next 25 years, our family, her friends, relatives and her whole town, witnessed her raise her little baby into a fine young man, singly and all alone. And in the same time, she became the most popular and most preferred gynecologist in Vellore – a large town near Chennai. There was nothing that did not come against her – womanizers, harassments, rumors, discrimination or the local goons. But yet, she survived through all that without a loving shoulder to cry on. All the while she continued to perform the duties to her son, family, family-in-law (in dual role as son and daughter-in-law), society, friends, relatives and her family. When she was 44, we lost her to cancer. Her son Ashwinth, my nephew, had just graduated as an electronics engineer then. I will always regret not being able to tell her what an inspiration she has been to me, during her last days. If there is one person who I’m asked to nominate to represent everything that a woman is, I won’t have any hesitation. There is only one person. Dr. Manjula Karthikeyan. Her birthday (18-Nov) is when I celebrate Women’s Day.
Until I was 15, I had always known that I had one brother and three sisters. It was only by accident that I had come to know that my brother and eldest sister were my step-brother and step-sister. Apparently, I didn’t have any need to know. Or so I was told. My mom was barely 20, when she was married to my dad, who was twice her age then. And with her marriage she had also become the stepmom of two young kids. All through the years of my life I’ve seen my mom as an epitome of tolerance, acceptance, love and belief. I’ve seen her as a woman who ran our home, raised a farm, managed a printing press, hold together a troubled family, loved and cared for my dad, believed strongly in the soul, kept up with a huge extended family and always accepted her loved ones with welcome. Even the one who hurt her.
Having suffered the loss of her mom in her early teens and having to accept another woman in her place, and then having to lose her brother, the dearest person of her life and living through a complicated marriage setup through her life, my step sister Meenakshi never had the right reasons to look at life positively. Instead, that was all she did. I’ve only seen her to love and care for her man, raise her children with love and care, ensure their life into success, manage her family through ups and downs, and now, happily redoing it all once again, with the arrival of her grand children.
After living in a large city all her life and graduating from medical college, my second sister Viji moved to a small town to back her husband’s profession. But, moving away from the city life into a sleepy little town didn’t stop her ambitions. I’ve seen her back her man into building one of the most successful practice of his profession, raise two awesome boys, be the backbone of a large family despite being the youngest daughter-in-law, stand against discrimination and harassment at work, build her own thriving practice and pediatric clinic, build a model family and home, be an advisor and have the most positive influence to the whole extended family. Most of all I see her be a great human being – my most favorite human being.
While it is common to fall in love, it is rare to follow your heart and go after it, especially when you have to give up your dreams for it. My sister Usha gave up her dreams to become a lawyer, and followed her love around the world. Giving up on her college never stopped her. I’ve seen her to always make the most of her situation, build her livelihood from almost nothing, live through places torn by war, move her home across a dozen countries, raise her two kids – the most lovely niece and nephew that one can have, be the greatest source of affection in the family and be the best in everything that she chooses to do – be it baby-sitting, non-profit work, running a travel agency, design a home or organize an event, while she continues to be the woman behind the success of her man. And in the meantime she has managed to remain the same person that she has always been – a sort after friend, a go-for-it woman, a continuous source of energy, the one with the big heart and the life of the party, always. And, she also remains my dearest person in the family.
Today is Mother's Day. But, in reality, every day is mom’s day. Every day is women’s day. I salute y’all women. The world wouldn't be where it is without y’all.
